Caitlin’s Infertility Story
“The emotional and physical effects of the continual cycle of hope followed by devastation took its toll on us”
When Caitlin turned 21 (the legal minimum age in Wales to adopt), she contacted her local governing body and entered her application to become a mother through adoption.
‘My mum had always wanted to help children this way, so it felt like a natural step in my journey to become a mum too.’
But then Caitlin fell in love with Lee. ‘Both Lee and I were strong advocates of adoption, but since we hadn’t been in a relationship for two years (a prerequisite for joint approval), adoption was no longer an option for us.’ Caitlin and Lee decided to try for a family the traditional way.
Getting familiar with the ‘two-week-wait’
After a year of trying and still not pregnant, Caitlin visited her GP, where some basic investigations revealed some ovulation and thyroid issues, and she was given a six-month course of Clomid. ‘Clomid completely changed my personality. It made me feel like I was a shell of who I was. I just felt miserable.’
A referral for NHS IVF funding had been submitted by their GP, but after seeing numerous success stories of Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) on social media, the couple decided to give it a try too, paying for two rounds of (IUI) at a private clinic whilst they waited.
‘Sadly, neither round was successful. We were so disappointed, but thankfully, our application for In vitro fertilisation (IVF) had been accepted because it was the hope, we needed after the failed IUI.’
Putting the numerous negative tests, countless ‘two-week- waits’, disappointment and struggles to one side, they entered a new phase of their journey.
Caitlin's first egg retrieval was successful, producing nine eggs. Five of them fertilised and developed into blastocysts, where they were all frozen in the hope of having a baby and potential future siblings for their baby.
Sadly, this was as far as they got. ‘We had four separate transfers, but I never made it to test day because each time I would start to bleed five or six days in, regardless of the medication I was on.’
‘The emotional and physical effects of the continual cycle of hope followed by devastation took its toll on us, and even though we had a second round of NHS-funded IVF available to us, we were apprehensive of the chance of success given the doctor had no plans to change treatment or to carry out any new investigations. We just felt that if nothing changed, neither would the outcome and I was too tired to try and fail again, so I started researching options for IVF abroad.’
Off to Greece
After much research, Skype calls and consultations, Caitlin settled on a clinic in Athens, Greece and flew over for tests and to plan the next steps of their journey.
‘It was a short but worthwhile visit. The tests showed that both me and Lee had bacterial infections, which I found out can affect the success of a pregnancy. We were given a course of antibiotics, as well as the news that we could start treatment at home as soon as my period arrived.’
The Clinic also gave Caitlin a prescription for the stimulation medication (Stims) she would need to start her treatment, but since she’d already been prescribed and collected the same medication from her NHS-funded round, she thought it prudent to use the medication she already had in her possession. This, however, ended up being one of the worst decisions she’d made after someone reported her to the NHS Fraud Investigation Team, where she was later interviewed for three hours, read her rights, and threatened with a potential Country Court Judgement.
‘It was one of the most traumatic events of my life. I was terrified. I sat and wept whilst the investigators showed me photographs of my embryos that I had previously shared on Instagram but had later died.’
The case was eventually dropped, with Caitlin being ordered to pay a fine to cover the costs of the medication.
Two weeks later, Lee and Caitlin were back in Greece for the egg retrieval and fresh embryo transfer. Two ‘day three’ embryos were transferred with the hope that at least one would implant and become a baby.
The couple boarded the plane blissfully ‘PUPO’, a medical term used to describe being ‘pregnant until proven otherwise’, but sadly received the news that the remaining two embryos that were left in the lab had stopped developing.
‘It was awful to receive the news, but I was confident that all the tests, treatments, and antibiotics would be enough to make the difference and I would finally become a mum.’
Time to take a break
After enduring another long two-week wait, there still wasn’t a positive pregnancy result. Exhausted and in need of a plan, Caitlin contacted the clinic, desperate to try again.
But Lee wanted them to take a break so they could grieve and for Caitlin to rest and recover, mentally as well as physically. ‘Looking back, I am so glad Lee persuaded me to take a break. It was tough, but I needed time to rest.’
3 months later, Caitlin and Lee returned to Greece with an agreed plan to proceed with a lower dose of stimulation medication in the view of collecting a lower number of eggs but hopefully of better quality. ‘I was happy to see that the doctor adapted my treatment rather than stay with the ‘one-size fits all’ approach that we had previously been offered with the NHS.’
‘The plan worked; five good-quality eggs were collected and transformed into four high-grade embryos. We transferred one embryo on day two and another one on day five. I’d never heard of two separate, different-stage embryos being transferred before.’
Back at home, Caitlin, now a veteran and seasoned pro in the two-week wait, grew tired and anxious. Convinced it had failed, she took the home urine pregnancy test and left it in the bathroom for Lee to look at. ‘I just couldn’t bear to see another negative test’.
Lee walked in to see her, the test in his shaking hand. ‘I didn’t need to hear the words because I knew I was finally pregnant’.
On a cold November day, Caitlin gave birth to her son Billy. The birth, much like the pregnancy, was not without its complications and scares. Heavy bleeding during her first trimester had made her a regular at their local A&E Department and early pregnancy unit. And because Billy was breech, Caitlin had to have a caesarean section instead of the home waterbirth she and Lee had planned.
A baby brother for Billy?
A year after Billy was born, Caitlin and Lee returned to Greece to try once again.
‘Lee and I longed for another child, but we’d been through so much to get Billy. We knew this would be our last try because, emotionally and financially, we’d reached our limit’.
This time, Caitlin was convinced that she would become pregnant straight away, especially after the success of the previous transfer and the idea that her body now ‘knew’ what it was doing. ‘I was so convinced it would work that I’d bought a T-shirt with ‘Big Brother’ written on it to give Billy’.
Sadly, this time, the shock seemed to hit even harder than before when the pregnancy test showed negative.
‘There are painted pictures of all the embryos we’ve made during our journey and are hung as memories above Billy's Cot. They were all our babies that didn’t make it but were a tiny part of us. I carried them inside of me, and we loved them all.’
Caitlin and Lee’s ‘trying to conceive’ journey has now come to an end, with a vasectomy booked imminently for Lee. ‘We both couldn’t go through the trauma of the ‘what ifs’ if there was still a chance it could happen naturally.’ We needed to draw a final line in the sand and regain control to protect our hearts. We are so grateful to have Billy, but the sadness and unfairness of infertility still hurts us both’.
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